<HONEA EXPRESS: Dining Out: Don't Be a Jackass
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It finally happened. Honea Express has moved to greener pastures, or possibly just out to pasture -- you make the call.

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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Dining Out: Don't Be a Jackass

As some of you may know I am a bartender by trade, or choice, or fate. Whatever. I tend bar even though I am qualified for much more important, yet lesser paying, jobs. Go figure.

Last night, as you know, was Valentine's Day, which means that our establishment was on an hour and 45 minute wait. Which means that many people came to sit in the bar where we have a full menu and open seating. People came and sat at tables without ordering anything because they were waiting for a table in the restaurant. Big deal? Yes. Those people sat at my tables for over half an hour. That is money out of my pocket. People came and stood behind other guests to wait for their table. I can't think of many things ruder than that.

Oh wait, I can. 'Guests' pushed each other, and the servers, so as to arrange themselves accordingly to hover over said tables. Then they got mad because we were so busy and the food took a little longer, so they cursed, they threw food, they yelled at servers (not just their own, as if that would be ok). Then they paid with coupons. Then they didn't tip. I tell you, I am about one jackass away from losing my job in a blaze of glory. The hard part is restraining myself while waiting for that special someone that is going to get my foot in their ass.

Really people, it's Valentine's Day, I get it, your getting laid may hinge upon a nice night out. A good meal and some smooth talk may save you from a week of nagging. I get it. The thing is, the company that I work for, which I probably shouldn't name so let's just call it "Pepper's", is not romantic or fancy enough to even be considered for Valentine's Day. The best wine we have is Kendell Jackson! You would be better off smashing grapes with your own feet. Anyplace with TV's showing poker, speakers blaring 38 Special, and that honors coupons (AND YOU USE THEM!!) on Valentine's Day is not romantic enough to meet any criteria. The only reason you should be walking into a place like ours on VD is if you are a) in high school, b) on house arrest and you live within a block, c) you are single, d) you are clueless.

We are a great decent restaurant, don't get me wrong, the food is awesome decent, the atmosphere is friendly and comfortable decent, but we are not 'Chez' anything, and if we get you laid you may want to aim a little higher on your companion choices. After the sex of course. In the meantime, I can't wait for Mother's Day, the other busiest day of the year, when the class acts are out on furlough and bring Momma in for some eats and some cursin'.