The Dumbing of Me
It's happening. For years I've noted the dumbing of America as a condescending bystander, but now the plague of ignorance has infected me as well. I find my mind wandering, emitting stutters instead of clear verbiage. My vocabulary has come to consist of perhaps ten words, all separated by the use of like and you know, which results in my sounding like a caveman from the valley. My participles are no longer firm and perky, but dangle like Golden Girl cleavage- somewhere between my stomach and my socks. History, I'm afraid, will surely repeat for me, since I can't remember anything past movie lines and my high school locker combination. My grasp on current events is framed by MTV and Sportscenter, meaning I know that John Mayer won a Grammy and that the Lakers suck, but I don't know what crazy thing Bush is up to today; I just know it's crazy. What, you may ask, is the cause of this? Nature. My nature has overtaken my nurture. I am blending with the asses, I mean masses, that surround me. Most of my coworkers don't know who won the last Pulitzer, and they don't want to. Most of my bar guests don't want to talk about Iraq, they want to talk NASCAR. Whatever. If you can't beat them, join them. Who is I to argue?