<HONEA EXPRESS: Football, Hillbillies & Thuggery
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Football, Hillbillies & Thuggery

As most of you know I am a bartender by trade. In addition to tending an actual bar I am also responsible for the happiness and satisfaction of my guests, their overall well-being, basically I babysit a bunch of drunks. It's a living.

One of the instruments of the trade as any care provider can attest is a television- the babysitter in a box. During the course of the business day I use this instrument to keep the drunk occupied and distracted (distracted from trying to talk to me). It is a rather simple concept, but it works.

It also causes trouble. Living as I do in the sticks with our major export being ignorance, I am constantly bombarded with requests for non-sports to be placed on the television, namely NASCAR. I cannot stress this enough- driving a car, regardless of speed, is not a sport. Bass fishing is not a sport. Hunting is not a sport. These are glorified activities for the small of mind/penis. A sport requires the exertion of energy and skill. The activities above don't even require teeth.

Thankfully, football season is upon us. Hopefully there will be enough actual sports fans that the television can go unmolested for a couple of hours per week. The only catch is that in a town where the official pastime is violence the favorite football team is naturally the Raiders.

Oh well, at least if they are in the bar they aren't on the streets hurting somebody- hope they don't stab me.