WHO ARE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD?
Remember that old sesame Street song? Basically it highlighted a few of the locals, i.e. fireman, mail-carrier and so on with a catchy little melody. I don't have a melody, or a catch for that matter, but I do have people in my neighborhood that should be highlighted (or something). I call it WHO ARE THE IDIOTS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD MALL, and basically it lists the idiots we see everyday, but seem to thrive in my town. Note, many of these idiots have numerous traits compiled, compounding their status in the dumbass hierarchy.
- Name: The Sag (baggy pants, belt around thighs with underwear showing) This is a popular type of idiot that is usually a male in the 17-21 age group, it does appear that most, but not all, grow out of this stage
- Name: Busted Can of Biscuits aka Busted C.O.B.. This is the girl with too much meat on her bones that thinks she is all that. You've seen her. She wears a shirt that is much too small, causing a ring of fat to pop out above her pants like a busted can of biscuits. Baby biscuits start at about 14 years of age and continue for a number of years.
- Name: Compass Head (hat at odd angle) What is the purpose of a ballcap being pointed in any direction other than forward (or backward if playing catcher or moving furniture)? The side of the head does not need shading as much as the face and nobody is buying the idea that you might actually be facing in any direction other than the one you are walking in.
- Name: White Trash (undershirt as clothing- don't have to be white) Unless you are standing in a gym or trailer park, there really isn't any reason to see this person, but guess what? You do. By definition an undershirt is supposed to go under something. I can't imagine the directions are that hard.
- Name: Drive-Thru (cell phone on walkie-talkie mode, sounds like someone yelling into, and being answered by, a drive-thru speaker box) This is just annoying. It's the new laser light- cool to the person doing it, but pisses off everyone else. Answer your damn phone like a normal person, the rest of us in Costco don't want to hear your discussion on underwear sizes.
- Name: The Joey Ramone (extremely tight pants of unknown material origin, used to convey that wearer is a "punk rocker") The Ramones pulled off this look by being in a band, which makes any otherwise fashion disaster acceptable. They still didn't look good and neither do you.
Ok, that is where I will stop for now. There are too many to list at once. Please remember that should you see one of these idiots it is best to avoid eye contact as most are prone to taking such as a threat and will try to fight you. Just ignore them and hopefully they will go away.