<HONEA EXPRESS: Finally, I'll Say Something Almost Nice About My Job

It finally happened. Honea Express has moved to greener pastures, or possibly just out to pasture -- you make the call.

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Please pardon the dust and update your feed readers accordingly. Thank you - Whit

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Finally, I'll Say Something Almost Nice About My Job

As my time winds down at the J.I.H.A.D. (Job I Hate And Despise) I find myself reflecting on some of the better moments. This will be a short post.

Here are my top memories in no particular order:

- Customer (standing behind very busy bartop): How do I get a drink in this damn bar?
- Me (working on other side of the busy bar): You sit down and shut the fuck up.

- Customer A & Customer B having a very loud conversation about paramedic calls they've answered (yes, they were the actual paramedics) in which every patient had an odd item broken, stuffed, and/or suffocating in their respective anal-canals: ...and the plunger adhered to the tile, so we had to cut the floor out to get him in the ambulance.
-Me (equally loud): That's why the only thing that goes in my ass is dick.

-The Rack: a co-worker came in from her vacation, aka boob-job, and all the cooks stopped what they were doing and clapped for her.

-The Fire: one day the building burned down. Oh wait, that hasn't happened yet.

-The Choppers: some guy forgot his fake teeth. His wife had to come back for them because he was too embarrassed.

-The Westside Story: jackass 1 and jackass 2 were fighting over whatever it is jackasses fight over and I had to break it up. jackass 1, or maybe he was 2, doesn't matter, grabbed a steak knife and chased the other jackass. The entire place was utter chaos. It would have taken the knife guy an hour to cut anything with that blade, they barely work on the food.

-The Swingers: a guy came in with his fairly hot wife and over conversation about whatever he broke out his digital camera to show me pics of said whatever. I started going through them only to find that a few pics in they became photos of the hot wife in various nude and sexual poses. They just sat there chatting with me the whole time. I looked at every one. I didn't want to be rude.

I'm sure there are more, but you get the idea. It can be kind of fun at times, but overall it's like any other job, it sucks. I can't wait until I'm the toothless guy with the knife and nude pics. Man, the grass is greener on that side of the bar.