<HONEA EXPRESS: Meat is for Meatheads (& Sometimes Me)

It finally happened. Honea Express has moved to greener pastures, or possibly just out to pasture -- you make the call.

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Meat is for Meatheads (& Sometimes Me)

The wife and I have been meatless for nearly two weeks now. It has been much easier than I ever thought. Not eating meat isn't hard, although I tend to get hungry again about 30 minutes after any given meal.

No, the hard part is the crap that they, being PETA, the tofu farmers, or whoever, want us to eat instead. Fake meat is disgusting.

I bought some pseudo bacon the other day. I nearly puked. I'm not buying the cheap stuff either. I have plenty of vegetarian friends and I've made sure to follow their enthusiastic suggestions. Basically, I'm buying the Fillet Mignon of fake Fillet Mignon.

It sucks.

Eating anything sans meat is fine, but tofu and soy taste about as good as Styrofoam and Maalox. Maybe worse.

To ensure that I am still getting all the good stuff (vitamins, proteins, and some omega crap) that I would have received from the bad stuff (meat) I have been taking all kinds of supplements. This has caused my colon to be cleaner and apparently slippier, as I have shaved about half the time off my trips to the can. It has also made me radioactive as I now pee streams of florescent yellow.

Why are we doing this? I don't buy the argument that a non-meat diet is any healthier; if anything many of the non-meat eaters I know seem a bit fragile and pasty. Sure, I accept that too much meat is bad for you, but so is too much anything, including, and you can quote me on this, that plastic bacon crap.

We stopped eating meat because we love animals and all that liberal shit. We haven't made the kids stop, nor do we plan to. Besides, when I say we stopped eating meat I'm not being totally clear, we are still eating fish. Why? Why the hell not? Like Nirvana said, "it's okay to eat fish cause they don't have any feelings."

They probably meant that in a don't eat fish sort of way, but whatever, I can be literal.

The one thing that Tricia and I agree on is that this is not a permanent thing. Cutting way back on meat is, but giving it up entirely isn't. I justify this easily enough with: a) that fake meat really pisses me off, and b) maybe some cows have it coming.

Still, the slick new glow-in-the-dark poop chute is pretty cool. Sorry fellas, no free rides.