A Thousand Times, "Ugh!"
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I only need the one. Ugh. If you need the other 999 I can put it on repeat for you.
The picture in question is actually many pictures of the same thing. That thing is me. It's not that I'm a bad-looking guy, this according to my mom, wife, and about 20 teenage girls that asked me sign autographs for them. No, I'm just not photogenic. I mean I'm really not photogenic.
If you've been unlucky enough to have seen any number of the photos of me that are floating around the Internet, most notably the few where I'm not naked, then you know of which I speak. I look like the long lost love child of Beaker and Michael Richards.
Fortunately, the family resemblance ends there. I harbor no desire to experiment in hatred. There are no test tubes of racism burning in my lab. I stick to meth. Hey, it's a living.
I've decided that I will no longer allow photos of myself to be taken. I figure I'll be famous someday, why not start pissing of the paparazzi now? You may wonder if I'm serious? Hell yes. How serious? I'm serious like fucking Yahoo.
I'm not even going to post a photo. They're out there already, and I don't want this to turn into a pity fest. Plus I know that some of you may be eating right now, and I don't want to ruin your meal.
All you need to know is that it's like looking at snapshots of Dorian Grey, you know towards the end, where the picture looks a tad for wear.
Does anyone else have this problem?