<HONEA EXPRESS: My Theory of Relativity: Steak, Blowjobs, St. Ides, and Pi
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Friday, March 14, 2008

My Theory of Relativity: Steak, Blowjobs, St. Ides, and Pi

Today, March 14th, is many things. It is the eve of the Ides. It is the middle of college basketball conference tournaments. It is opening day for Horton Hears a Who. The fact that this March 14th falls on a Friday only adds to its importance. Hours of happiness are sure to be had across the land.

Still, there is more. Today would have been Einstein's birthday had Walter Matthau not killed him. Hey, that shit really happened.

It is Pi Day. Some of you non-geeks may not understand. You see, Pi is 3.14 etc, etc, etc, and today is 3-14. Mathletes rejoice. I'll admit, I'm not a math fan, but I appreciate random holidays and I do love pie. Me, oh, my.

All of the above would warrant (cherry pie?) mention on this blog. As you know I'll write about pretty much anything. However, this is where I throw in the clincher. This is also where I ask my mother to stop reading.

You see, today is exactly one month removed from that pseudo-holiday created by St. Hallmark and the good people at See's. Yes, Valentine's Day. Pah. Sorry, that was me spitting on the ground (every time the name gets mentioned).

What does that have to do with anything? Oh, everything, my friends, everything. Someone, much smarter than myself, has declared today to be the greatest holiday since the carpenter had a birthday, maybe even more so. Today is (drum roll): Steak and Blowjob Day!

You read me. Here's the site (NSFW), so you know it's legit. Let's make this bigger than Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Gentlemen, thaw your meat(s).

You're welcome.

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