<HONEA EXPRESS: Black Friday: A Gift Guide

It finally happened. Honea Express has moved to greener pastures, or possibly just out to pasture -- you make the call.

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Please pardon the dust and update your feed readers accordingly. Thank you - Whit

Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday: A Gift Guide

I was going to do a whole thing with the lyrics from Steely Dan's song Black Friday, but frankly it came out a bit morbid. That being the case I decided to just do a straight review of some cool toys.

Some of these products were submitted to me for review and some I am just wishing for. In regard to the products I've received please note that if I write about it I like it. If I don't like a product I either send it back and/or make it clear why I don't like it (unless it's for trivial reasons).

* Sizzle & Serve Kitchen - Once the boys mastered the faux hawk I knew that Top Chef couldn't be far behind. We started letting them help in the kitchen, but their kind of help is more along the lines of making huge messes and putting our entire family in mortal danger rather than creating gourmet chow. What we needed was a middleman, and what we got is the Sizzle & Serve Kitchen.
The boys love it. They pretend to cook and we pretend to eat. You would think that all of this fake eating might mean we'd lose weight, but apparently the diet is fake, too. Go figure.

The kitchen has a "working" grill and ice machine and a "Contemporary Colonial Archway" which seems like an oxymoron to me, but what the hell do I know?

As an added bonus, while searching for a photo of the Sizzle & Serve I got to check out numerous photos of my girl Sizzle. Little Tikes might want to talk to her about page ranks.

BTW, the chance of finding porn while searching for "Sizzle & Serve" is 100%.

*Giddyup N' Go Pony - I was a bit skeptical of this, namely because it isn't this, but as soon as the race started it was mint juleps for everyone.

I'm getting Tricia a big, flowery hat for Christmas.

The best part about this pony is that it doesn't eat and it doesn't poop, two of the reasons I no longer own a horse. The downside is that it is the cause of much fighting and little sharing.

The porn to pony ratio is surprisingly low.

*Spike the Ultra Dinosaur is on the very top of Atticus' Christmas list. His true loves in this world (besides Jack Skellington and SpongeBob) are robots and dinosaurs. I don't know if we're going to get this for him or not, manly because we're broke and he's spoiled, but you've got to admit that it's pretty darn cool.

*My Real Digital Video Camera is waterproof to 3 feet which is really neat, but I'm afraid to submerge it. I like to think of it as more of a safety feature than an envelope to push.

The camera is real. It takes real video. Look at this list and tell me this is for children 3 and up:

  • Editing features add graphics and sounds to videos and pictures.
  • Easily plugs into TV or PC for video picture playback.
  • 64 MB of built-in memory.
  • 1.7" LCD screen.
  • Built-in microphone, speaker, light/flash.
  • 1.3 mega pixel resolution.
  • SD card expansion slot for additional memory storage capacity.
  • 4X digital zoom.
It's for children ages 3 and up.

When I was 3 and up our idea of making a movie involved a stick, some dirt and a big dose of imagination. This camera is way better.

This is what I want:
Dear Canon (or Nikon for that matter), if you want me to review one of your products I will gladly plaster your information all over all of my blogs for the entire month of January (that was a collective 50 million page views in November- really, 50 million!).

So I'm a sell-out. Did you think this was Neil Young's blog?

Here's the wife's list: and maybe some new pajamas.

There you go, some hopefully helpful reviews, some blatant and distasteful pleading and some gratuitous nude photos of Hugh Jackman. If that doesn't say Christmas I don't know what does.

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