It finally happened. Honea Express has moved to greener pastures, or possibly just out to pasture -- you make the call.
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Honea Express Review Policy:
I am open to reviewing products. If I like a product it will get a good review. If I don't like a product it will get a bad review. I may decide said product isn't worth reviewing at all. I will not return a product, but it will go to a good home - usually this one unless I need a last minute gift. PR people, please note: I am not a woman nor a mother. If you would like me to review a parenting product please acknowledge that dads exist. If you want a mom's take send it to my wife. Contact me via the link above. Thank you.
This video has no purpose or reason. It just is. It's like life that way. Funny word, "life," it means forever and that's a mighty long time. And to be clear, when I say "life" I'm not talking about the TV show that my wife likes but I think is kind of eh. Also not talking about the cereal, which, if we're honest, only Mikey likes, nor the board game which is much more bored than game if you ask me. No, I'm talking about life. So get busy living or get busy dying.
This video isn't about any of that shit. It just is.
I've got a list of search results and I'm not afraid to use it. I am, however, reluctant to use it because I fear that it's a lame excuse for a post, but having looked at the actual lame excuses for post that I've already put into play I've decided to move forward with it. That's caution on the wind. It'll blow away.
The thing about these posts, where you list a group of search terms that brought people to your blog and make witty attempts to respond to them, is that while I feel lazy doing it I always enjoy reading it on other blogs. It's like the gift card of blogging. Nobody likes to buy a gift card as a gift, less it make the buyer look like less than zero effort was put into the purchase, but everyone likes to receive a gift card. And most people liked Less Than Zero, or at least Robert Downey, Jr.'s performance. I could have done without the Poison cover of "Rock and Roll All Night."
And now, with nothing further ado, is the list. There appears to be a theme.
condoms that don't smell if they're on your nose you're doing it wrong
how to steal stuff more importantly, how to not get caught
her fist in his ass and they said romance was dead
hotel work sucks can you bring me more towels?
my wife jerk me she does that to everyone- right after you go to work
smart this is the only search item that makes cents
nogales donkey the second show is different than the first
lonely but pretty girls good luck, and have your credit card ready
sex c now that's a vitamin
candy sex it gets sticky
prague single women bars trust me, they're not that into you
I hate lakers I also hate oceaners, rivers and the Knicks.
where can I buy condoms that don't smell condoms don't even have noses
why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free word
anal sex whit bloom in Orlando?
I'm in lucerne find girl for fucking in answer in english please for fucking in? search in english please
example of a rambling paragraph You've come to the right place, my friend. This entire blog is filled, dare I say, overfilled with examples that fit your query. If you were to take any post on any page of any month since this blog was created nearly four (4) years ago you would most likely find at least one example of a rambling paragraph in each- or at least a paragraph about the Allman Brothers. They were born as rambling men and I tend to write as one, lost as I am along paths of thought and the easy lure of tangents and sarcasm. I hope that your search wields you fruit, figuratively, of course- unless you're hungry, in which case I invite you, please, to sit at my table and eat your fill.
14th street blow jobs It took me thirteen streets to find them. Their condoms smelled.
And that, dear reader, concludes my search results post. See you next time when we'll discuss lesbians, Obama, lol cats and where to find name brand shoes for free. I'm just guessing.
In one hand was a glass of whisky. It had been there but minutes. It had been needed much longer.
The other hand was marked with streaks of black. It was soot. It was nothing. It hadn't come from fighting forest fires or confusing arson for acts of passion. It had come from lighting candles and placing them at random around the room. The soot was stubborn and refused to leave, insisting instead that it be smeared across knuckles and up finger thick rivers to where they became a confluence- a mighty stream only to disappear beneath the tunnel of an unflattering shirt-sleeve.
It felt good to be dirty and sipping whisky. It made it feel like the fight was over. There is a clarity there, between harsh words and smooth bourbon, that few ever know. It is a moment and as moments go it is one of the better.
But the fight had not yet begun and the harsh words were unsure if they would ever escape, but waited anxious and uncomfortable as waves of whisky flowed past on heated screams, taunting and angry for having been caught.
The candles had curfews and places to be. They left the room suddenly and without regret. The words grew drunk and drowsy and the clarity began to fall into question.
One hand poured more moments from the bottle while the other held still the glass.
"Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent."
"It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important."
"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
"The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education."
"When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative."
"The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict."
"The moral arc of the universe bends at the elbow of justice."
"The time is always right to do what is right."
"Wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows."
"We are not makers of history. We are made by history."
"We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now."
"We have guided missiles and misguided men."
"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
I've been working my ass off. Seriously. The area that used to be my ass is now a concave valley. If you dropped some change on my ass it would look like this:
Hell, at this rate I may be able to quit the day job. Of course I couldn't sit down or everyone in the room would think they were in Vegas. I'm a walking jackpot- and between you and me, I always pay out. Just don't drop a silver dollar. It would get wedged in there like a manhole cover. Fitting.
So, that's just a graphic tangent of an answer to the million dollar question of where I've been. A question so pressing that almost none of you asked it, and by almost I mean exactly.
It's nice to be loved.
Then there's the Lego Star Wars on our Wii. The oldest is addicted. The first thing he asks for in the morning is Lego Star Wars. After school the first words out of his mouth are about Lego Star Wars. He's a junkie and he's pulling me in.
It started innocently enough. I would just play to help him on certain levels, which is to say I didn't know what the hell I was doing but he thought I did. The kid looks up to me, what can I say?
Now he says things like, "I love my family. And the Wii. The Wii and my family are very important." I'm just glad we're in the mix.
He's hardcore. I have to dress him in long-sleeved shirts to cover the tracks, or I would if video games left tracks. As it is I put him in long-sleeved shirts because it's fucking cold outside.
He's also sweet. He just talked himself into a round of Wii long after he should have been in bed. He said he needed to unwind, so I let a 5-year-old stay up until eleven o'clock to fight the Clone Wars. I'm not even pretending to be embarrassed.
Thing Two was... somewhere. The force isn't as strong in him so he has found other pursuits, like playing with actual Legos and walking around the house singing. He knows the lyrics to two songs, American Pie and something by Weezer, which is to say he knows one song with some very interesting chord changes.
Sometimes he watches us play and sometimes he stands in front of me crying over frivolous matters like hunger. The kid eats non-stop every waking moment. Don't feed him for half an hour and Sally Struthers is on my lawn with 26ยข and a bag of flour. It adds up.
You may be asking yourself, how did I get here what exactly is this post about? You may be looking out the window at your sundial and wondering if you really just spent 8 minutes reading this post (12 if you stutter), and the answer is yes. Yes, you did.
Thanks for your concern, it's noted and appreciated, even if it's completely fabricated. The fact is I'm fine. The family is fine. I'm just freaking busy, and it won't be over until the fat Ewok sings- or does that dance thing where they poke the spear in your face.
We took a quick drive out to Vasquez Rocks for some fun in the sun(ish).
The boys did some climbing.
That's a guy on a unicycle riding down a huge piece of rock. He comes into play later.
Fetching a pail of water.
The 10-second break.
A hole in the Earth.
They filmed Blazing Saddles here.
Jim kept screwing around with the lizards.
The edge of the world.
Remember the guy on the unicycle?
I have no idea what happened, but a lot of rescue people showed up. Hope the guy was okay. We left before the boys saw something to change the memories they were making.
No lizards were harmed in the making of this post. Read more on Vasquez Rock Park and help support my family at UpTake. That's big of you.
